A Month Off Facebook Part 2

What can we say about leaving the EU that hasn’t already been said?  That it’s an entirely rational decision taken for progressive reasons by a well-informed electorate, which will have positive effects for the population in general, and was preceded by a forensically intelligent and wide-ranging public debate, covered by an empathetic and non-hysterical media, which will in no way doom us all for generations to come.

That one is obviously closer to home than all the President Clusterfuck (#funnynotfunny) news from the USA.  Not having heard from the usual news source, I was taken aback to hear that Parliament had voted that EU nationals currently in Britain have “no automatic right” to stay in the UK.  Given the closeness of my household to EU nationals, this is a serious cause for concern.  I never thought I would live in a country where our family would not be welcome, due to where they had been born.  It makes us unwelcome. 
Shaking with anger, I briefly thought something that, had I written it on Facebook, would have violated several laws concerning hate speech and incitement to violence – against a group, and against specific individuals.  Specifically, specific individuals who had sparked my ire in the fulfilment of their duties as public servants.  Had I been using Facebook at the time, I don’t know whether I would have restrained myself from making that thought a matter of public record. 
This is the danger of social media.

So, the point of not using Facebook for a month was to know that I don’t need it.  I don’t need Facebook, TV, alcohol, drugs, fancy food….so if it’s not serving me, educating me, improving me, or at the very least, entertaining me – I can just put it down and leave it. 

It’s surprisingly powerful: I always feel strong if someone offers me a drink and I say No Thanks.  Not because it takes strength to do it, but because I can live without it, so it has no power over me.  I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience, but in younger days of feeling fucked-up, as soon as I turned down a/nother drink (or whatever), I immediately felt a bit more with it, like I was in control and could enjoy the experience rather than holding on to the edge of my seat and waiting for it to be over, merely enduring it. 

Socially, this is really important: I can see an advert for a car, and just say No, I’m alright.  We can all do that.  There are things we just don’t need.  (Some of you will be thinking: “It’s never about need, it’s about desire.”  At least one of you will be thinking that, anyway).  It’s not just about avoiding addiction, it’s about noticing habits and controlling them. 

Here are some things I don’t need:

Advertising tailored to my online shopping/browsing habits.

Detailed accounts of protracted, narrow political arguments involving lots of people who agree on almost everything important, and whom I don’t know.

An immediate response to/validation of my every contribution.

And all of these are on Facebook.  And I like/have indulged in all of them, at least some of the time.  There is room for all of them in my life (except maybe the advertising, which I try to avoid).  Sometimes.

And yet, there are things I need.

Here are some things I need:

Love

Attention

Creative outlets

Companionship

Solitude

Music

And Facebook can provide some of these, or at least opportunities for them.  I missed some opportunities by not seeing them, but of course, it’s not the best, or the only, place to find these.

Some more things I missed from Facebook:

Matt & Jo’s #topbantz

My Facebook friends who are actually real friends In Real Life

Once I got back on Facebook, I saw 128 notifications from February.  How many were of interest…?  Not many.  How many were of interest, but out of date by the time I saw them? Several.

It was like I had been ignoring the snailmailbox at home for a while, hoping that by waiting, some good mail might build up.  (It didn’t.)

After less than a week off the facewagon, I caught myself looking at it often, even when I knew there’d be nothing new on there.  It took about three hours to get to that stage.  So I started to hold back again. Of course, I posted about having not been on it, and got responses to that, and wanted to see them.  And respond to them.  In the hope that they would then respond to me. Etc.

On a purely egotistical note of self-involvement, a lot less people read this blog during the weeks it was not shared on Facebook than did before/since.  Throughout the month off, of course, I kept posting blogs, every Friday, as usual – but not as many people read them.

This is because if it’s not on Facebook, “no one” knows about it.  (In the same sense in which we can say that “no one” listens to Trip-hop any more, or “no one” wears baggy jeans, or “no one” cares what Jeremy Clarkson is up to now…that is, the sense in which we use “everyone” to mean a relatively small and very specific group of people.)
So, I will probably not avoid Facebook for such a long period again anytime soon.  And yet, there were obvious benefits.

So, like I said, it’s what we make it.  For me, it’s mostly been an occasionally useful, sometimes entertaining/amusing, often dull and occasionally upsetting window on the virtual world.  But always virtual.  Useful to discuss things from The Real World (™MTV), but not in itself Real.  The more you engage, the more people respond (which is, to be fair, similar to The Real World).  This is so obvious, but I didn’t think much about it before, for some reason.  So I’ll probably stick to using it for occasional hilarity and sometimes as one of several sources of news, and I will of course use it to advertise my creative endeavours.  Which is the reason I was there in the first place (so that “someone” – as opposed to “no one” – knows what these endeavours are).

And, as I also said last week, I may deal with this the way I deal with alcohol: try to take it or leave it.  I stop for a week, then I have a weekend on it, then a couple of days off, then a couple on a midweek night, then a weekend off.  That kind of approach. 

Some More Conclusions

I will probably have another break at some point, maybe a week rather than a month.

The Facebook-alcohol/drugs analogy is apt, but stretched.

Facebook is merely a (virtual) place to gather; all our friends are there, otherwise we wouldn't bother with it.  Like everywhere else we gather, there are people there to sell to us, placate us, provoke us, love us or hate us.

It is like everything else in that it is what we make it.   

 

See you in the virtual world, or see you in The Real World.